Every once in a while, I’ll offer someone something.
Maybe it’s a small favor.
Maybe it’s my time.
Maybe it’s something I own.
Maybe it’s help with something.
And the person will look at me and ask:
“Are you sure?”
My answer is almost always the same.
“I never offer something I don’t intend to give.”
I mean it.
I’m not offering because I think I should.
I’m not offering because I want you to think I’m a nice person.
I’m not offering because I’m hoping you’ll do something for me later.
And I’m certainly not offering while secretly hoping you’ll say:
“Oh no, that’s okay.”
😂
If I offer it, I have already decided that I want to give it to you.
It’s yours.
I Give From My Reserve
This wasn’t always something I understood.
But over the years, I’ve learned that I need to take care of my own needs first.
And then, whenever possible, I build a reserve.
A reserve of time.
A reserve of energy.
A reserve of money.
A reserve of love.
A reserve of emotional space.
A reserve of patience.
Not every reserve is full all the time, of course.
Sometimes life uses nearly everything we’ve got.
And when that happens, it’s time to rebuild that reserve again.
But when I have more than enough, I have something wonderful available to give.
And that’s where I want my giving to come from.
My reserve.
Not from the part of me I need in order to stay whole.
Giving Shouldn’t Require Me to Abandon Myself
We often hear that giving involves sacrifice.
I don’t think it has to.
If giving something to you means taking something essential away from myself, I need to stop and pay attention.
Do I really want to give this?
Can I afford it—not only financially, but emotionally, energetically, or in time?
Am I giving freely?
Or am I afraid to say no?
Because there is a big difference between generosity and self-depletion.
I can give you an hour when I have an hour in my reserve.
But if I’m exhausted and desperately need that hour to rest, giving it away may not be generosity at all.
It may be abandoning myself.
And sooner or later, that kind of giving can become resentment.
Look at everything I do for you.
Do you know how much I’ve sacrificed?
After everything I’ve given you…
That’s not the kind of gift I want to give.
I don’t want to hand someone something today and quietly send them the bill for it tomorrow.
A True Gift Has No Invoice
When I give from my reserve, something beautiful happens.
There are no strings attached.
You don’t owe me.
You don’t have to return the favor.
You don’t have to appreciate me enough.
You don’t have to behave a certain way afterward.
You don’t even have to give me something of equal value.
The giving is complete in itself.
I wanted you to have something.
I had it available to give.
I gave it to you.
Done.
What a wonderfully clean exchange.
But What’s in It for Me?
Oh, plenty.
Just not in the form of repayment.
When I give something freely to someone because my heart genuinely wants to give it, I receive something immediately.
It feeds my heart.
There is a joy in being able to say:
I have enough.
And I would love to share some of it with you.
That feeling doesn’t deplete me.
Quite the opposite.
It fills me.
Maybe that’s one of the paradoxes of genuine generosity.
When I give from emptiness, I can become even emptier.
But when I give from fullness, somehow the giving creates even more fullness.
Build Your Reserves
Perhaps we need to think more intentionally about what we’re keeping in reserve.
Do you have any time that doesn’t already belong to somebody else?
Any emotional space that hasn’t been filled with other people’s needs?
Any energy left after you’ve met your own needs?
Any money that can occasionally become an unexpected little pleasure for someone?
Any love that simply wants somewhere to go?
Taking care of ourselves first doesn’t make us selfish.
It can make our generosity more honest.
Because then our yes really means yes.
Our gift really is a gift.
And nobody has to wonder whether we’re quietly giving away something we cannot afford to lose.
So if I ever offer you something and you ask:
“Are you sure?”
You can believe my answer.
I never offer something I don’t intend to give.
I have something in my reserve.
My heart wants you to have it.
And that is enough.
No sacrifice. No resentment. No debt. No strings.
Just the beautiful pleasure of giving from a full heart. ❤️