When I moved back to France after living in the United States for thirty years, I started noticing things about the French that I had never noticed when I was French living in France.
Funny how that happens.
You leave somewhere for thirty years, come back, and suddenly you’re looking at your own culture almost like a visitor.
And there was one expression I started hearing all the time.
Qu’est-ce que je suis bête !
Or:
Oh, je suis bête !
Literally:
“I’m so stupid!”
Someone forgets where they put their keys.
Qu’est-ce que je suis bête !
Someone makes a little mistake.
Oh, je suis bête !
Someone overlooks something obvious.
Mais je suis bête !
It’s just part of the language.
People say it almost automatically.
I know I used to say it when I was younger.
And after living in the United States for so many years, somehow I had stopped.
Until I went back to France.
And then…
Oops.
I caught myself doing it again.
Wait a Minute. What Did I Just Say?
I would make some silly little mistake and there it was:
Qu’est-ce que je suis bête !
And one day I really heard myself.
Ghislaine, did you just call yourself stupid?
Yes.
Yes, I did.
😂
And for what?
Because I forgot something?
Because I put something in the wrong place?
Because I misunderstood something?
Because I made a mistake?
None of those things means I’m stupid.
They mean I’m human.
But I had just made a statement about who I am.
Not:
That wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done.
But:
I am stupid.
That’s very different.
We Do It in English, Too
Maybe we don’t say Qu’est-ce que je suis bête !
But I’ve heard plenty of:
“I’m such an idiot.”
“I’m so stupid.”
“That was dumb of me.”
“What’s wrong with me?”
And sometimes much worse.
Most of the time, we don’t even mean anything by it.
That’s the interesting part.
It’s a habit.
Something happens and the words just pop out.
But I started wondering:
If I wouldn’t talk that way to someone I love, why am I talking that way to myself?
Imagine your best friend calls you and says:
“I can’t believe it. I drove all the way to the grocery store and forgot my shopping list.”
Would you say:
“Well, that’s because you’re an idiot.”
😂😂😂
I certainly hope not!
You’d probably laugh.
Maybe tease her a little.
Maybe say:
“I’ve done that too.”
You wouldn’t turn one forgotten shopping list into a declaration about her intelligence.
So why do we do it to ourselves?
I Started Listening to My Words
Once I noticed it, I began paying attention.
Not obsessively.
I wasn’t walking around policing every sentence that came out of my mouth.
But I became more aware of those little statements about myself.
Because I had spent too many years learning to love myself to casually spend the day insulting the woman I had worked so hard to love.
That’s really what it came down to for me.
If I say something unkind to myself once, I don’t think the sky is going to fall.
But if I tell myself the same thing over and over and over…
At some point, I’m listening.
And I’ve learned that the way I identify myself matters.
There’s a difference between:
I made a mistake.
and:
I’m stupid.
There’s a difference between:
I didn’t handle that very well.
and:
I’m a failure.
There’s a difference between:
I’m having a difficult day.
and:
I’m a mess.
One describes something that happened.
The other turns it into who I am.
I don’t want to do that to myself anymore.
So Why Not Go the Other Way?
And here’s where I have some fun with it.
If I’m going to talk to myself all day anyway, why not say something worth hearing?
Ghislaine, you’re wonderful.
You’re smart.
You’re creative.
You have so many great ideas.
You have a beautiful heart.
Now, somebody might hear me doing this and think:
Well, aren’t we full of ourselves?
😂
Maybe!
But I spent enough years on the other side.
I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and hate the person looking back at me.
I know what it’s like to have no self-esteem.
So if today I can look at that same woman and tell her that she’s wonderful?
I’m going to do it.
Listen to Yourself for a Day
I’m not going to give you a list of affirmations.
I’m not going to tell you what you’re supposed to say.
I’m simply going to share something that was eye-opening for me:
Listen to how you talk to yourself.
Just for a day.
Especially when you make a mistake.
When you forget something.
When you drop something.
When you look in the mirror.
When something doesn’t go the way you wanted.
What comes out?
You might be surprised.
And if you catch yourself saying:
“I’m such an idiot.”
Maybe you don’t need to make a big personal-development project out of it.
Just catch it.
Oops.
No, I’m not.
I made a mistake.
And move on.
That’s how it started for me.
I simply became aware of the words.
Because after all these years, I’ve decided something:
I want the voice I hear most often in my life—my own—to be on my side.
And today?
Ghislaine, you’re doing pretty damn well.
😂❤️